I was super nervous about it, and really, didn't even want to do it. I kind of just wanted to ignore the issue and just face it on race day, though I knew that would be terribly stupid. So I made Greg go and be my "lifeguard". What I really wanted was a bunch of people out there in the water.
After looking at the signs on the beach area to make sure there wasn't a known algae bloom or e.coli, we walked down to the water. The whole area looks run down and pretty dumpy, which didn't help my nerves. There was one other person sun bathing, and parents with their tween picking up random things by the water. It was strange- the girl reminded me of myself. Stuck hanging out with her parents, she picked up a snail shell excitedly, telling them about it. Then she said "do you think there are snakes in the water?" Ugh.....
Actually getting in the water was the first thing to overcome. Walking out on the bottom, which I couldn't see, was difficult. I wanted my legs up quickly. So when it was deep enough I did that.
I treaded water and tried to get used to my surroundings. I slowly and calmly swam side-stroke. Then, I tried to swim. As soon as my head went under and all I saw was green, I flipped out. I scrambled back to the shore and stood up again. I don't even think I was in deep water? But I wanted to be where I had walked before and knew I wouldn't step on something weird.
I walked back up to shore. It was terrible feeling. There was no way I could swim in that. I tried to articulate my feelings about it to Greg, what was making me nervous, etc. He didn't have much to say about it, didn't know what would help.
I stood there a long time, occasionally recounting some horror I had just experienced. And all I could think was there was no way I could go back out there.
But, I knew I had to.
Otherwise, I would really be dangerous trying to swim a half mile in September.
I cried a little. I was so frustrated. Why couldn't I do this? With the decision that I wasn't leaving until I made this work, I began to think about it again. What was making me nervous? What was so scary and bothersome?
I didn't like that no one else was out there. To me, if I saw someone else in the water, I knew I could be in the water. So we moved down to where some high school girls were swimming.
I didn't like not being able to see anything underwater. So I thought I'd get back in, near the frolicking high school girls, and just practice being in the water. Just being.
So I walked in again. This time I stood for a bit in waste deep water. I tried to not panic about where my feet were or what was around me that I couldn't see. Then I bent over some and got on my belly in the water and put my face under. Argh!! No!!! I immediately popped up freaked out and out of breath. I hated the green. I tried again, putting my hands in front of my face so I could get a sense of depth of what I was or wasn't seeing. Green murk- I could only make out blurred preachiness of my hands. Ok...so I really just can't see. Ok.
I floated on my back some. I tried the breast stroke, but didn't like that. The I stood some more. I was just trying to relax. Then I decided I could try to swim 5 strokes across the area. 5 strokes and that's it. Where I could stand up if needed. It was weird how much it freaked me out to not know how deep the water was. I don't know why this bothered me. I wasn't afraid of drowning. It was just scary for some reason.
I swam 5 strokes and kept my head elevated a lot. But I did it. The I turned around and did it again. After this I took a break on shore.
I complained and whined about things that bothered me some more to Greg. Pockets of cold water felt like they were their own being. I didn't like seeing the current on top. I didn't like not seeing anything underwater except green.
I knew I had to actually swim. I decided I could try to swim to one buoy, then across to the other, then back to the middle, like a triangle. So I waded back out and tried it. I immediately breathed on same side each time, keeping my head high. I found this helped relax me and made it so there was less time in the green murk. I practiced sighting, looking for the buoy. I got as close as I could stand. For some reason, here is another issue I have with things in the water. I'm scared of them. I don't know what it looks like underneath and it bothers me for some reason. Strange, I know.
So I got as close as I was comfortable with, then turned and kicked to go across to the other buoy. As I sighted I was surprised by how much the current pushed me into shore. I took some breaks on my back when I got flustered. I eventually made it and the headed back to the middle.
Going across felt like I was going nowhere, but Greg said I looked fast. We determined I must have been moving the same speed as the surface water, so it looked like I wasn't moving to me.
It was rough and panicky, but I did it. Then I did it a few more times to further get comfortable. Each time toon about 4:30 minutes and made me pretty tired. I felt like I was fighting the water. And I swear there was some sort of undercurrent. The cold water I'd feel near the buoy freaked me out and with the disorientation of swimming across the swim area, it was so strange.
The last thing I did was just try to swim buoy to buoy and back again. I practiced sighting more and I was curious if swimming "against" the current would feel different. I really think there were two currents- one on the surface and one just below. I'm going to look this up later. The last time I turned at the buoy, there was a huge pocket of cold water and it felt like something was pulling me back. I hated it. And I wanted to leave on a good note, so I just got out of that area as quickly as I could and swam a bit more.
Soooooo by the time I left, I had conquered my fears and actually swam in the open water!! It wasn't something I'd choose over a pool. And I am still certainly perplexed by a few things. But I'm so glad I did it. I made myself do something REALLY uncomfortable; I managed to figure out how to deal with it bit by bit so that I could do it. I am pretty happy with myself for doing this. :)
Bring on Lake Habeeb.
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