It's Almost December

It's been a slow time getting back on the running horse. I tried to not beat myself up too much about it over Thanksgiving. Just tried to enjoy myself, and have a relaxing holiday. But the truth is I just feel better when I exercise, so I'm not so sure I did myself much of a favor :)

I ran Monday for the first time in a long time. It was cold, and my lungs hurt very bad. But, that will just take a few runs and I'll be more used to it. I wanted to run today but chickened out. Then, as I could only expect, work got carried away and I am still at the office at 5:45 with a dark sky waiting for me outside. Soooo maybe some abs tonight. How many times do I need to tell myself that the morning is the only time? Instead of thinking I'm going to somehow be able to pull off an afternoon run, I need to look at it as if I don't run now, I'm not running today kind of thing.

C has been working off-site all week. It's only Wednesday and I feel like it should be Friday. The days are really long without her here. I have been very productive though.

In between productivity, I've been perusing illustration sites. I feel very inferior and dumb in my pursuits. What the hell am I doing? It's almost the end of the year, and I am not so sure what I have to show for it. I feel like something has got to change with this; I'm at a cross-roads with my dream. I have tried to squeeze drawing in here and there. I have a meager website up that I won't even announce to people yet because I'm not sure it's good enough. The only thing I seem to be doing right is putting sketches on facebook and getting "likes" from all my friends/ acquaintances. (That word has a C in front of the Q - that took me forever how to figure out how to spell!).

I really think I have potential. But I don't know for what. I'm completely overwhelmed with the ideas I have that I am not able to even try because there just isn't enough time in the damn day. All I read is to get better you have to draw draw draw draw, and I can't even seem to draw.

Truth is, I might not be talented enough anyway. But, I feel I might also be very talented. I'm thinking I'm tired of waiting and wondering and I just need to fucking do this. I feel like I can do this my way and it's going to be different from the "just another artist trying to make money" thing. There are so many unsuccessful, super talented artists out there, which is really hard to stomach.

I'm rambling.

Putting stuff on facebook has shown me a couple things:
1.  People like looking at drawings. (Maybe it's because its from their friend/aCquaintance, or maybe it's because they have a reaction to them - not sure but it seems that it's enjoyable for people.)
2.  People don't see drawings unless they are looking on facebook or other sought out places on the internet. I spend a LOT of time looking at art all day. But I bet people who see and 'like' my stuff do not in fact spend time looking for illustrations on the internet.
3.  My drawings on facebook are unsolicited by the facebook audience. I do them and throw them on there. However, they all still look at them. One person even told me he looked forward to seeing them. !!!!!!!!  That is not something I ever thought possible.
4.  There's something to all of this.........I just haven't figured it out yet.
5.  I clearly want people to see my work. There is a HUGE boost from knowing people saw it, liked it, or made a comment on it. HUGE. Sometimes it makes me so happy all I do is look at the names who liked it for a while. Maybe I'm assigning too much value to their 'like.'
6.  The only other thing I can figure out about illustration and how to get work is exposure. There are way too many talented people out there for it to be based on that alone. But that is where I go back to the "do it my way" idea and believe I am unique and can really do this...this...something.

So what would get me exposure? Maybe that's what I need to focus on?

I've said I wanted to be the next Dr. Seuss.

I'm really really really frustrated. I mean, so much that I feel like I either need to figure out illustration or give it up altogether. I'm sure I'm not the first person out there to feel this way.

So in summary, I need to shit or get off the pot, become famous, and make people happy by making awesome drawings for them. Somehow.

A Quick Way to Loose 5 Pounds

So yesterday I spinned and it was great! And then I ate lunch.... And then...I had food poisoning!

I had my business partner's lentil soup for lunch. It was chock full of curry and I originally thought that it was the curry that wasn't agreeing with me. I had been mildly sick from curry burgers in the past. But...and this is too much detail probably...the diarrhea soon turned to water...and then I was shivering...and that's when I was pretty sure I had food poisoning.

I was stuck at work. I missed a charity bowling even and a dinner with friends. Greg picked me up, as I couldn't drive. We waited for a bit before leaving, to time it so I wouldn't be puking in the car. I had a nice round in the bathroom on the toilet and while holding the trash can (multi-tasking is so great when you're sick).  I was so weak I started choking on my vomit because it just wasn't coming up well. That was scary as shit.

After that, I had Greg pack up my stuff and we made it to the car. The drive home was nerve wracking. We made it home in time for me to run to the bathroom for some toilet time, but I refused to puke again. I got up as quickly as possible and got horizontal in bed. I was so cold. My stomach hurt so bad. That is why food poisoning is worse than the flu; there is a large amount of pain involved. I was shaking and couldn't get warm. I tried to sleep, as I was exhausted. But I kept being woken up by the nausea. I had one more bathroom stint, again, trying very hard to not puke, and then I slept for maybe an hour while Greg went to get himself some food.

When Greg got home I felt like I was probably not going to puke anymore...but every time I moved that safe feeling went away. So I just laid in bed, sipped some coke and water, and tried not to move.

This morning I woke up very dehydrated of course, and had a headache. I took some Advil and drank water like crazy, as I was pretty certain I wouldn't be throwing it up or having it come out the other way anymore.

After a hot shower and a piece of toast with strawberry jelly on it, I am not at work again. I'm weak, dizzy and slightly nauseous. I have to get stuff out to some clients. If possible I'm going to make it a half day.

Food poisoning is terrible. But I think I got off easy this time.

Spinning Allowed Today

So LA Fitness bought Urban Active and now LA Fitness doesn't have me in their files. I was told "they're working on it" again this morning. Hell I don't care as long as they keep letting me spin.

Spinning! Yay! It's now a 55 minute class under LA Fitness. Fine by me, but it was noticeable today! We did intervals...and honestly I don't even remember what they were. Some increasing surges and seated climbs and standing climbs with surges... it just felt like we were all over the place.

I wore the heart rate monitor. It was interesting. I don't know if there is something wrong with me or if people's bodies can just be really really different. It is sooo easy, and common, for my heart rate to be above 170. I made it get to 180 once in class. During hard pushes, especially on hills, it was at 178/179. Now, it does drop fast. But, based on my age and general heart rate calculations, my max heart rate is 185. 70% is 129. 85% is 157. 90% would be 167. Um....I'm usually at near max. 97%ish.

So what does this mean? It sounds like all of my work is anaerobic.

It's something that's been in the back of my head for a while. I've checked my heart rate on treadmills before. Usually I'm around 182 or 185 when pushing. So is that bad? I'm NEVER at 160. I can't possibly push less.

Today I wanted to check out the biking side of it, since I know I'm always maxed out when running. I wondered if it was just running, or other cardiovascular. I certainly am not at 178 the entire class, while I bet with running I'm at 180 the entire time.

I guess I'll look a little more into this and also go running with the heart rate monitor for comparison.

Watchless Wednesday

I decided to run sans watch this morning. Just wanted it to be by feel. But dammit if I don't get disappointed as I'm running because I'm sure that I'm running faster than I have been...and if only I could know how fast...

So maybe every Wednesday I just don't wear the damn GPS. In fact, maybe I only wear the GPS for a speedy midweek run and for a weekend long run, when I need to stay on pace. Maybe less watch and more effort is better. I know I'm a broken record about watches and pace.

I am also wondering if running every other day is better for my body. I felt great today! And I hadn't ran since Sunday. I did yoga last night but wasn't sore from it (finally). I'm adopting that schedule for a while and we'll see how it goes.

Another boring running post logged.

Treadmill Running - first of the season

Saturday we drove to Cleveland for Greg's cousin's wedding. It was a long, bumpy trip. My car has oil in a couple cylinders and needs a new valve cover seal, so we didn't take it. It's not crazy nice or anything, but just more comfy for long trips. The miata is fun. I love it. But for a longish trip across northern ohio roads, it's terrible. We blasted Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me podcasts on the way up and a comedy channel on Pandora on the way back. Talking in the car is a tiring shouting game.

The wedding was a lot of fun. It was HUGE...something like 400 people. We visited with family and drank Great Lakes Christmas Ale that one of the bars at the reception had on tap. Awesome!

Sunday morning I got up early, as usual, and headed down to the hotel gym while Greg snoozed. I ran 3 miles while watching VH1's One Hit Wonders: 1986 Prom Edition. It was nothing short of terrible. However, I did end with Club Nuveau's Lean On Me, which wasn't a bad song, as the bpm fit my cadence. The run was decent. I started slow and kept upping the 'mill's speed in order to just get it done. I never got too winded so that was nice.

Today I'm resting. Maybe will hop on the bike tonight, but we have to fix my car too, so that might be the entire evening. Maybe I should just focus on weights. Tomorrow is going to be tricky. It's election day, I have a 9:00 meeting downtown, I'm crazy busy with work, and then there's yoga. Maybe I'll have to run at lunch. Yep, I'll plan on that.

A Good Start

I got up and ran this morning. It wasn't easy. I didn't sleep well. I didn't feel well. But running makes me feel better, so I did it anyway.

And it was a terrific run! I went what felt easy, and the first mile went by in 9:47. I didn't expect that to last because I was having some serious asthma issues. I was wheezing on the exhale and inhale. My throat was tight. I had to think about breathing a lot. I stopped at the half way point, convincing myself this was ok, to catch my breath. After all this was just the second run after the marathon and I spinned hard yesterday and had tight hammies.

On the way back, I watched as my pace dropped. I thought the hill would really end it, but somehow it didn't either. I quickened my steps and huffed up it. I tried my best to smooth out my stride in the last half mile.

My average pace dropped from 9:47 to 9:38 by the end. And my splits were: 9:47, 9:42 and ...9:26! That was with an uphill (and yes a slight downhill in the end).  But I am super happy that I pulled those paces off without really trying, and having not run in so long.

It is very encouraging. :) :)  And now I think I'm going to start making some little goals.

Next goal:  run 3 miles with all miles under 9:40 pace. 

Season Change

Ah it's that time of year again...when the temperatures drop (perhaps drastically) and the mornings and evenings are dark. I struggle through it every single year: how to work out when it's dark and cold in the morning and dark and slightly warmer in the evening. I must figure it out. It's barely November. There are many days ahead...

Some ideas!

1. HTFU.
Always a good mantra for most situation, harden the f up and pretend like it's not actually 20-whatever degrees, windy and cold. Or, at least just don't dwell on it. Get the warm stuff on and go. It's not going to kill you.

2. Change Workout Time to Lunch.
I could conceivably run at lunch. Right now I have a gym just down the street, but that only lasts until the end of the year. I could still just run and deal with sweatiness by taking a spit bath at the office. I could turn the other bathroom into a more workable getting ready bathroom. By doing this, I could just get up and go to work earlier. But, it involves packing a bag every day, which I kinda despise (not sure why).

3. Change Workout Time to After Work.
I don't run well after work. I am in wind-down mode, or go hang out with friends mode. The only successful runs I've had after work were because I absolutely had to do them...and they were usually not after most people's work...I have the flexibility to leave early and run at say 3:30. If I could make that work every day, it would just entail getting up early so my hours would shift.

4. Stop Running in Winter.
Not an option to stop running.


So...those are my options. And now the pros and cons for all.

1. HTFU.
- PRO: It's simple. Just do it, it really isn't a big deal. Don't think about it.
- CON: I might get to work a little later than normal, but that's OK.
- PRO: The workout is done right away and no chance for it to be side-tracked later with work or tiredness.
- CON: I hate being cold and the house is so cold in the morning.
- CON: Stuck running around my neighborhood only.

2. Lunch Workout
- PRO: Can just get up and go to work early.
- CON: Showering and then working out later without a shower is weird. I'd have to shower in the morning because I wouldn't be able to shower at lunch. Getting ready and then getting stinky and having to get ready again is kind of dumb.
- PRO: Breaks up the day. Could make the days longer at work, but I like being home as much as I am.
- CON: Work gets in the way, as do lunch plans. I'm trying to make more lunch plans because I'm so lonely. I don't know that I'd want to have such long lunches every day (running, changing then food that isn't convenient around here, though I could pack).

3. After Work.
PRO: Can get up and do my day without lateness or interruption. This is like a rest day, I already know it's a nice schedule...except....
CON: I'd be worried about getting my workout in all day. What if I have to work late? What if something after work comes up that's fun?
CON: I want to do yoga and strength in the evenings. That'd be a lot of evening stuff to try to fit in.


Soooo, the results? I'm kind of glad I wrote all this out! It is a lot easier to think about now. It looks like #1 HTFU is the way to go. I just need to get up and deal with the weather. I'm happiest after running in the morning. And a plan to make it happen will indeed shift my schedule slightly. But here's an idea. I could get up early and draw! Have a piece of fruit, draw, take care of the dogs. Then, when I'm awake and it's light out, I could go for the run. Then go to work. Then, I'm getting in some drawing time also! (which has been a really hard thing for me to do recently). Also, I could sprinkle in a lunch run on days I work from home, and I could drive to Sharon Woods or something. It doesn't have to be rigid. But I think for the most consistency, I need to plan on mornings for the core of my runs.


A possible schedule. I'm beginning to feel a wee bit obsessive about all this, but I just need to write it out/work through it - I've got goals, dammit! :)

Sunday: rest
Monday: 3 miles a.m.
Tuesday: 3 miles a.m. / yoga p.m.
Wednesday: 5 miles a.m. or at lunch?
Thursday: spinning / strength p.m.
Friday: 3 miles a.m. or rest
Saturday: 6 - 10 miles a.m. / lifting a.m.

Ambitious schedule perhaps. I'll give it a shot. It's only 20 - 24 miles a week. One rest day, one cross-training day. I got really good at consistency with the marathon training. This shouldn't be too hard with a little more dedication!