The Next Chapter

The next chapter begins with a "Co" and ends with a page-turning "lumbus"!

After the Flying Pig half marathon last Sunday, I did a lot of reflecting on my running. Specifically I thought about the past couple of years, what I want out of running, what running is to me, etc. It's not the first time I've reflected on these ideas, but I at least felt some enlightenment this time.

Sunday was the worst feeling. I had trained. I had made some progress despite a calf issue and new asthma to fight with. I should have been able to get out there and do my best. The problem was I really  didn't think I could. I had a couple of hopes, but once those were dashed, I was only left with a negative level of confidence out of which I wasn't willing to pull myself. During the run, I considered walking back downtown and just enjoying waiting for Casey with the others. I walked a lot. I looked around. I listened to people around me. I thought about the weather. I just didn't care. There was no point fighting myself anymore. Then my knee gave out causing a lot of pain and, oddly, I was happy. Now I had a more substantial reason to not care about how I did. Now it was really over and I could just start thinking about moving forward.

So that's what I've been doing. Thinking about running and me and how much I love it and why I love it. I love it because I improve, do well and get stronger. I love my body more when I'm running. It gives me confidence and is part of my identity. Unfortunately, many of the past months have been filled with getting worse more than improving, figuring out injuries, figuring out breathing, struggling with eating and not eating. There hasn't been much on the confidence front. I've allowed the other things put the confidence and identity in a shadow. It was all my undoing.

For whatever reason, making schedules really makes me happy :) So, the night of the half, I started mulling over a marathon schedule. I originally thought that coming off of such a horrendous race was going to smother my hopes for the marathon. But I think what the race did was allow me to hit a rock bottom of sorts. It was actually a cushy rock bottom, more like just a silt bottom. But it did allow me to finally see what I need to do. I can't explain why everything has gotten so bad with seemingly the same kind of efforts except I am getting older and I let the bad overshadow the good. Bodies change, stress levels change, etc. I'm not worried about explaining it anymore though. I am just going to look ahead.

The deeper I got into the schedule-making, the more excited I got. I wasn't excited about running faster or cutting a half hour off my time or anything specific to my performance necessarily. I was excited to finally feel like a runner again. I remember standing up after one of my times of crunching numbers; I felt like I could see myself standing there. I was standing tall, lean and strong. I was confident, relaxed, happy and positive. I was a happy runner about to embark on another running adventure where I'd chase my soul and expand my lungs and that glowing ball of happiness inside me. :)

Needless to say, I'm really excited about Columbus. I have a couple of different approaches to the miles this time that I believe will keep us injury-free and make us strong runners. I'm really excited to see Casey go through this training too. Knowing how uniquely impressive it is, I look forward to him having the awesome experience for himself.

The physical therapy chapter closed today with my last session and a completely loose calf. And now, the Columbus chapter begins... Running, happy, and documenting all of it with words and pictures  (that's the plan at least) because I love this experience so much.

Here we go!!!! This is going to be awesome!!!!!!